the problem
the problem, maybe, is that i don't think i have anything to say. i really admire kelly, who makes herself post something (almost) every day. that is what i was hoping this blog would be for me, but like every journal i have ever kept, it is mostly neglected.
i was reading a little bit about commonplace books, kept by folks in yonder years. people would keep track of quotations they wished to remember or other bits of text. sort of like making your own textbook for the world. sometimes people would expand into personal thoughts on these excerpts or on other observations of the world. this sounds great; i would like to be able to escape my introspective nightmare.
i am consumed by self-reflection and find myself exceedingly boring. i feel that i have been stuck at this ridiculous, self-constructed crossroads for years (at least five years, but really since i graduated from college ten years ago.) i can't get myself to think creatively about the situation, or to make a freakin' decision, or to be content with where i am. and it is just so boring. i think maybe i've withdrawn a little from the social world because i find myself so boring i cringe when i hear myself trying to have conversations.
ok. that is totally overstating the case. i still have friends and i love them and i love seeing them. maybe i'm just having a bad week. it certainly sounds like i have developed a severe case of nar·cis·sism, as in a psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. i haven't lost empathy, but the other bit sounds right-on.
but isn't everyone obsessed with what they want to do when they grow up?
posted by claire @ 6/10/2005 09:02:00 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
dearest claire, i wish you lived here!! we could be narcissistic and self-reflective together. or maybe we could cure each other. i miss you! i'm sorry i haven't been in blog-reading mode in a long time, so i've only just caught up. as you can see, i also haven't been so good about writing in my own blog every day, so your props (thank-you!) are most undeserved.
if you're feeling like you're stuck and boring, i highly recommend treating yourself to a powerful weekend seminar called the landmark forum. it's not for everyone, but i think from what i'm hearing you say, you would get A LOT out of it! it is guaranteed to unslump anyone who's ready to unslump! i can tell you that the landmark advanced course altered the course of my life completely. remind me to tell you about it sometime if you're interested.
well, i just wanted to say hi and i love you and i hope to see you next week when i'm in houston.
Try out something new, Claire; especially something you never really thought about doing. I particularly recommend some sort of artistic pursuit that will require that you interact with the existing community of people involved with whatever form you choose.
The good thing about Houston--there are are indeed good things--is that since there is little competition, the barrier to entry for these sorts of pursuits is ridiculously low. So take up acting or music. Or any number of other things. Just pick something.
It doesn't matter if that's not what you want to do with the rest of your life. The idea is to collect interesting experiences that you might find useful in shaping whatever it is you want to do. And maybe (or actually, in all likelihood) your long range goal will change.
There are no quick fixes, despite what our culture of immediacy wants you to believe. Just start walking and eventually you'll get there. Even if "there" isn't where you expected you'd end up.
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